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All In Good Fun

June 28, 2012 Fun No Comments

I went to a dermatologist on Tuesday about this pesky rash and she quickly diagnosed it as Pityriasis Rosea. We chatted awhile longer about how it had come about and what I’d been doing to treat it, my “misdiagnosis” from the primary care physician, the lack of effect from the Prednisone, etc…

As we were chatting about the fun I’m going to have over the next 3-5 WEEKS (!!!) riding this rash out, she did stop to ask this: “Just checking… but is there any chance you have syphilis?”

Her expression read something more like, “Do you garden?” or “Have you ever been to Disneyland?”

I assured her that I had I tested negative for syphilis the last last time I checked.*  We giggled a little about it and she said that if Pityriasis Rosea is misdiagnosed, it’s for syphilis. Luckily, my 20s were tame enough that this isn’t something we have to worry about.

But that doesn’t mean I can’t have a little fun with Greg. I got home that evening and was preparing dinner when he came in. He asked anxiously if I had seen gotten in with the doctor and was given some sort of relief for this goddamn rash that is now plaguing both of our lives. I stopped what I was doing and looked into his eyes with a straight face and said: “It’s syphilis.”

His eyes went blank. The blood drained from his face. He had no idea what the appropriate reaction was.

G: “Where did you get it?”
Me: “That’s what I’d like to ask you.”
G: “What does this mean?”

And then I lost my poker face and broke into laughter as I explained everything. Still, it was worth it for only those few seconds of glory to have tricked him!

After even more drama with pharmacies and forgotten phone calls on the nurse’s behalf, I finally have my high-octane antihistamine meds and a steroid cream to quell the itching. I have gotten a couple of nights of 5-hours-at-a-time sleep for two nights now and am looking forward to even more restful nights.

While the end isn’t exactly near, at least it has a name!

* I had my doctor perform a comprehensive STD exam after my last break-up, just to be sure. PUBLIC SAFETY ANNOUNCEMENT: This should be common for every person who has had more than one sexual partner in his/her lifetime.

 

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