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Kegels: What are they good for?

August 23, 2010 Fear, Fitness No Comments

SPOILER ALERT: This story has nothing to do with mind-blowing orgasms.

I took my workouts to the coast yesterday to enjoy the sunshine and a change of scenery. Argus and I drove over the hill and parked at our usual spot south of Half Moon Bay; he happily sniffed around while I got my bike ready. Even before I left the car, I had to pee. There were a lot of people around and nowhere to go, so I held it and figured I’d find somewhere to stop along the way.

About four miles south of town, I spotted an actual public bathroom. It’s a glorified porta potty, really, but still! It looked brand new, as there were heavy equipment and gravel piles nearby. Woo hoo!

I really had to go by this point, so I pulled off and chuckled to myself as I walked around the barbed wire fence and sign that said, “PRIVATE PROPERTY – NO TRESPASSING.” Not surprisingly, the doors to the bathrooms were locked… but the building itself provided protection from the passers-by on the highway.

I pulled down my cycling shorts and squatted down with my feet as far apart as possible to reduce splatter and just as I was about to relieve myself, I looked up.

EEEEEEK!!! The amazing thing is that this slithery sucker DIDN’T scare the piss out of me!

And THIS, my friends, is precisely why kegel exercises are important!

I stopped my really-need-to-go-and-it’s-almost-coming-out flow immediately and yanked my shorts back up as I slowly moved away. I did the pee-pee dance over to my bike to grab my camera, snapped this photo, and then moved as far away as possible (but still out of sight from the highway traffic) and relieved myself. I kept an eye on that snake the whole time, ready to make a quick getaway if he made a move. Mice are fine. Spiders don’t bother me at all. But I hate snakes.

The rest of the ride and then run were uneventful. While the traffic on Highway 1 is a little scary and I fought a nasty headwind on the way back, I do love riding next to the ocean.

(Admit it – you’re doing your kegels right now, aren’t you? If not, you should be!)


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