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Ego Mania

April 21, 2010 Family No Comments

G has been distant the past week or so. Of course, he must be resentful of me. Or angry with me because I didn’t have dinner planned one night last week. Or jealous that I don’t have to wake up at 6 AM and go to a job I hate. Or he’s falling out of love with me because I haven’t shaven my legs in over a week.

Welcome to the life of My Ego.

You see, Greg’s behavior simply must be related to me. There is no way possible that his every smile, frown, or mood shift is not a direct result of something I have or have not done. Therefore, I have spent the better part of a week agonizing over my marriage crumbling around me (I’m being dramatic) rather than asking this kind man, “How are you? Is anything bothering you? You don’t seem yourself lately.” Coming from a long line of martyrs, I learned early on it’s more satisfying to be miserable in this manner.

I finally worked up the nerve and asked him. This was his response: “I’m really stressed because of work. I’m behind on a couple of projects at “F” and things are really picking up at “V” so they need my help on several things. It’s all just happening at once. Things should slow down in the next couple of weeks.”

Greg is a very smart man and a very hard worker. He’s currently working at his full-time job, “F,” and is working at a start-up as well, “V.” (Yes, I see how it could be interpreted as unfair that I currently have no outside jobs and Greg has two. We can cover that another day… For now, back to me (and my ego).)

Oh, I see! So you haven’t noticed that I have only showered every other day? You haven’t noticed that the hardwood floors are all-but carpeted in Argus’ shedding fur? You aren’t aware that our refrigerator has little more than salsa (your favorite food) in it? THANK GOODNESS!

This was a bittersweet pill to swallow, my friends. Because while it was a tremendous relief that my marriage is not, in fact, crumbling around me, I had to cut myself down a notch and remember that it isn’t all about me all the time. I am chalking this episode up to just one more way I can “have fun with my ego,” as suggested by my yoga instructor a few months ago. Admittedly, I am sleeping better at night.

And I’ve showered and shaven, just for good measure.


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